E-mail to one of last year’s brides: Just remember this, having been married to the same woman three times (once was a renewal), that a rich marriage is like a wedding cake. You start out on the bottom (physical layer) and work your way up to the peak where the little couple stands. The way to get through each layer, which is the physical, mental, and then finally, the spiritual layer, is to understand marriage as a spiral staircase upward. When you come to the ceiling of the first layer, you will recognize it through the stress discovered in the marriage. You begin to feel trapped or not able to be your true self. You want to grow.
Many people never get past this first layer because they assume that it is the other who is creating the stress and suffering. So they leave looking for another who will not cause any suffering. They rarely find one because the stress and suffering is always rooted in each of us. So the way to get through the layers is to understand that marriage is the place in which to transform ourselves, and in that inner transformation, the stress and suffering disappear without effort. You’ll start singing: “We’re moving on up.” Remember that TV show?
I have gone through all layers in my marriage, and now I can look back as if the first marriage was made by two entirely different people. “Who was that guy,” I wonder. So, Heidi, you and your husband just eat your way up through that cake….With this understanding even the stress and suffering that are bound to come as you grow will taste sweet. Bon appetit.
This post was written by ed on June 5, 2006